Listen, I get that these "Top Whatever of Whatever" lists are inherently useless. Art is subjective, and what might make my Top 10 albums, movies, TV shows, or "Top Model" contestants probably wouldn't be anywhere near your list. So I get that these compilations are almost as pointless as the magazines or organizations that compile them. (Actually, scratch that: these lists have a point, and it's to get people talking.)

But in what cracked-out alternate universe is Rolling Stone living where BOB DYLAN comes in at No. 7 in its "Top 100 Greatest Singers of All Time" list? Bob Dylan is great at many things --- writing songs, inspiring musicians, giving me night terrors --- but he is in no way a good singer, much less a great one. The magazine's rationale seems to be that he's great because he sucks. Before Bob Dylan, it argues, musicians actually had to be able to sing. After him, that no longer mattered. Wow; give the man a medal. In his tribute to Dylan, U2's Bono (ugh) says that he's important because "you believe his voice is telling the truth." In the introduction, RS writer Jonathan Lethem opines that Dylan and Patti Smith (No. 83) "are superb singers by any measure I could ever care about - expressivity, surprise, soul, grain, interpretive wit, angle of vision."

In other words, it doesn't matter that they can't actually sing, that they just mumble and shout. They still somehow belong on a list of the GREATEST SINGERS OF ALL TIME. Alrighty, then.

The list includes some other total head-scratchers - Howlin' Wolf at No. 31? NEIL F'ING YOUNG at No. 37? Why not Tiny Tim; they have the same voice. Some others placed WAY too close to the top (Little Richard at No. 12, over Roy Orbison; Steve Winwood at No. 33). And others still that placed way too close to the end (Annie Lennox at No. 93? That's in the "Bitch, Please" Hall of Fame, right there). It's topped off with a No. 1 choice so obvious it's barely worth mentioning.

But the greater crime is the people left off the list completely. Singers who can actually SING, some of them extremely influential to the music biz and the artists of today. Just scrolling through my iPod I came up with this list of people who didn't make the Top 100, in favor of people like Iggy Pop (No. 75; love him, but in no way a singer), Toots Hibbert (No. 71; give me a break, you faux-elitist douchebags), and Christina Aguilera (No. 58; apparently nobody noticed that tricks are for kids). Who else do you think was left off the list?

-Ann Wilson of Heart (TOTALLY ROBBED)

-Debbie Harry of Blondie (Without Debbie, we wouldn't have Madonna, Britney, or Xtina - but don't hold that against her)

-Michael Stipe of R.E.M. (With all the other emo guys on here, how did Stipe not make the list?)

-ABBA (The Everly Brothers are on there, and I would argue that the harmonies of Agnetha and Ani-Frid are just as luscious)

-Brian Johnson of AC/DC (Now THERE is a signature howl I can get behind)

-Russell Hitchcock of Air Supply (Oh, shut it; that guy can sing)

-Billy Joel (Not an arbiter of cool, but the guy has a fantastic voice)

-Bonnie Tyler (Again, you want soul and grit? Fine; but here's a person with it, and she actually sings)

-Carole King (Absolute crime that she was left off the list)

-Chaka Khan (Like, really? No Chaka Khan? At all?)

-Peter Cetera of Chicago (If Steve Winwood can make into the Top 50, Peter Cetera should be on there somewhere)

-Cyndi Lauper (Essential to the 80s, and underneath all the neon hair and shredded clothes, a great big voice)

-Donna Summer (Disco was the pop of the 70s, and nobody did it better than Donna)

-Michael McDonald of the Doobie Brothers (Great soulful voice, and distinctive, too)

-Darryl Hall of Hall & Oates (The definition of blue-eyed soul)

-The Indigo Girls (Again, if the Righteous Brothers are on there, I don't see how these two were omitted)

-Michael Hutchence from INXS (A great soulful voice with surprising range)

-Joan Osborne (A killer voice with shades of blues, rock, and pop)

-K.D. Lang (TOTALLY ROBBED)

-Lauryn Hill (Yeah, she spazzed out, but her voice is undeniable)

-Meat Loaf (A cheese factory, but those operatic vocals demand respect)

-Chrissie Hynde (TOTALLY ROBBED)

-George Michael (Great singer, essential to 90s pop rock)

-Dionne Warwick (If you've got Aretha and Dusty, how do you not have Dionne?)

-Pat Benatar (The woman was classically trained for opera, and churned out some of the greatest anthems of the 80's)