In the interest of full disclosure, I should confess that I'm not a 10-year-old boy. But back in 2007, against my better judgment, I was pretty damn entertained by "Transformers," a big, dumb action epic that distracted from its parade of flaws by using tomorrow's technology in such a cool manner that I spent the rest of the summer secretly watching Chevys, just in case there really was more than meets the eye. (Disappointing spoiler alert! There wasn't.) "Transformers"' massive box-office haul of course demanded a sequel, which director Michael Bay seems to have interpreted as a mandate for a tedious sensory assault called "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen."

A confused-looking Shia LaBeouf reprises his role as Sam, and before "Revenge of the Fallen" can get him settled at college - and away from his hot girlfriend and faithful Camaro, or vice-versa - cryptic symbols from a shard of the life-giving AllSpark have burrowed into his brain, making him a target for the Decepticons, who are trying to stop him from doing... um... something. And again, as in the first film, it really doesn't matter. (Really.) The plot is an excuse to showcase the nifty ‘bots, but what seemed fresh and thrilling in "Transformers" now just seems rather routine. Bay tries to circumvent this relative staleness with more noise, more action, and more CGI, an exhausting choice that takes its toll after TWO AND A HALF HOURS.

And all the disturbing characteristics of a Michael Bay film are present, such as his bizarrely fetishistic depiction of the American military, to his objectification of women (Megan Fox hits the screen in a camera angle that can only be described as doggy style), to his casual racism, if such a wrong can be described as "casual." Seriously, doesn't anyone watch these films with a critical eye before their release? The first "Transformers" disrespected the late, great Bernie Mac, while in "Revenge of the Fallen," the bickering twin Autobots, with their jive-speak and gold toothwork, may as well be slathered in blackface.

The offensive, clichéd script should shoulder most of the blame for the immature humor that features things humping other things in the name of funny and for squandering the talents of John Turturro and Ramon Rodriguez (Omar's lover on "The Wire"). But almost $200 million in five days inevitably points to a third "Transformers," which means these obnoxious barrages of light, sound, and incomprehensibility could just be viewed as an encouraging sign that an America in recession is once again eager to blow its money on crap.