Dear Jennifer,

I forbid my 13-year-old daughter to wear thong underwear. After a month of arguing, she stopped asking. As I was cleaning up, I found a stash of her underwear that she had butchered with scissors to make homemade thongs. Should I confront her?

--- Thong Thung Blue

Dear Blue,

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume your husband takes his meals in the basement while you argue the subject with your daughter.

You must know that this is not about thongs, tattoos, piercings, or hanging out at the mall. It's about who controls the household for the last four years of your legal obligation without anyone getting hurt.

The gauntlet has been thrown down. Put your game face on and call in the big guns. Think of your most annoying relative. The one who corners you at holiday parties to tell you how you should be living your life while they throw back whiskeys and chain smoke. Invite that person over for dinner. As you set the entrée on the table, bring up the topic of thong underwear. Pretend you have to return to the kitchen for one more item, then slip into the basement and join your husband for a candlelit supper while your daughter receives her lessons in life from her dear Aunt Bertha.

What will this strategy accomplish in the battle of parent vs. teen? It will only make matters worse, building resentment in your daughter. Why do it? It will give you a tremendous laugh for days to come and provide a rare opportunity for you to spend quiet time with your husband.