Dear Jennifer: 

Hallelujah! My son is finally toilet trained! I hate to complain now that we've reached this milestone, but the child cannot hit the bowl to save his life. I don't get it! The toilet is HUGE compared to his body. How can he miss? As a woman, this is particularly vexing. Do you have any helpful hints? Someone suggested I throw Cheerios in the toilet and tell him to aim at them. What do you think?

- Taking Aim in Fairport

Dear Fairport,

I preferred to remove myself as fast as I could from the bathroom habits of my children. Thus, the Cheerio trick was not my solution of choice. I too suffered the same lack of aim in my house. I constantly scrubbed my one and only bathroom, trying to eradicate my sacred surroundings of that unmistakable odor. I realized two things: 1. Bleach aggravates the smell; 2. After you scrub, the smell continues to permeate the air because little boys pee in places that can not be reached by human hands.

If you are contemplating a separate residence for yourself, take a chapter out of my "take no prisoners" parenting book and enjoy scent-free trips to the bathroom. Get a big bag of cat litter and dump the miracle solution around the base of your toilet. VOILA! Cat litter eradicates the smell and adds an air of humiliation among the males in your household. Amazingly, the latter is a much better incentive than standing next to your child throwing Cheerios in the toilet like a trained monkey.

I did this myself and left the litter there for a month. My husband and various visitors to the house thought I had lost my mind. Crazy like a fox, I say.

Dear readers, this is my last piece. I hope you enjoyed my alternative take on child rearing. Remember, it's not about parenting; it's about survival.