Cycle 10 is here! Can you believe we've had 10 whole seasons of "Top Model"? That means we've met nearly 150 deluded young women who seriously think their post-teen, regular-sized bodies are going to find work on the runways of Paris. Oh, the memories.

Unfortunately the CW continued its frustrating practice of airing the semifinal episode separately - in the good old days we'd get a two-hour extravaganza in which the girls were selected, and then the first challenge would follow immediately. It's so hard to get a read on any of these girls from semifinals. But I can say this with absolute certainty: We have got some broke-ass bitches this time around!

I watched last night with four other people, and every time another would-be contestant came on the screen we would turn to one another and say, "Her? Really? A model? Um, no." It's true; very few - maybe three - of these girls are conventionally pretty. But Tyra has always preferred her girls to be what she calls "model pretty"; that is, interesting, awkward, and so devoid of self-esteem that they're willing to be brutally broken down and rebuilt in her own beweaved image.

The only drama worth mentioning from the semifinals (this time presented as a prep school, which makes more sense than a goddamned Caribbean cruise Cycle 9) is what I'll call the Passion of Fatima. Fatima is a stunning African girl who looks an awful lot like 90's supermodel Iman. I like her, and not just because of her tragic backstory (while growing up in Somalia she was ritually circumcised, or as we call it here in America, genitally mutilated). But you can see she's going to have a tough time. She has very little respect for most of these dumb girls, and antagonized at least two of them this episode to the point where they almost broke into fisticuffs. (BRING IT!) And then in her photo shoot she over analyzed and tried to perfect a shot that really should have taken 10 seconds. Poor, cursed Fatima.

Very few of the rest of the girls stuck out to me, with the exception of my darling Marvita, brought back after being cut in semifinals last time around. Here are my thoughts, such as they are; you can judge them for yourself by clicking the links and taking a look at their ridiculously Photoshopped cast shots from the CW.

Atalya: No impression whatsoever, but she is blandly pretty.

Amis: Pronounced "Amy," this girl is beyond tan (her cast photo downplays her Oompa Loompa-ish qualities), and oh, that jaw. There's something about her that reminds me of Cycle 5's Lisa, and we should be so lucky to recapture that lightning in a bottle.

Aimee: No impression whatsoever; we do not need two Amy-adjacent contestants.

Anya: Is from Hawaii, and has a bizarre accent (should be fun if she makes it to the commercial challenges!), and a face that looks like it has been squeezed in a vice.

Whitney: Our token plus-sized model (is there something about the name Whitney that makes girls chunky? See Cycle 8's zaftig Whitney), she could lose some weight easily by dropping the chip she has on her shoulder about how the fashion industry treats fat people.

Marvita:�She is back, and as sassy as ever! Marvita claims to have gone through therapy. I hope that's not the case. She threatened to kill at least one of the girls last night, so that's a promising start. I think's gorgeous, a modern-day Grace Jones.

Allison: Note that Allison's headshot is mostly obscured by a hat. That is because she is hideous. Her eyes are way too close together, and she bears a striking resemblance to Celine Dion. Not a good thing!

Stacy Ann: Stacy Ann's pic actually doesn't do her justice; she's prettier than the photo. But she needs to shut up, because her whiny-ass voice...ugh.

Claire: B-U-S-T-E-D. Claire may be like Cycle 4 Michelle, where her hideous features in person magically translate into amazing photos. But her promo photo suggests she's just as fugly in�two dimensions�as she is in real life.

Lauren: Our "punk" girl -- but how could someone who's legitimately punk end up on this show? Anyway, Lauren's photo is actually pretty striking. In person? Yikes.

Fatima: See above; love her.

Dominique: Tyra spared Dom's life, adding her as the 14th contestant at the last moment (we typically only have 13). The girls repeatedly called her tranny in last night's episode, and I see that. But mostly I see her Cheez Doodle skin tone and hope we have a special anti-bronzer episode, because some of these girls need to wizen up.

Katarzyna: One of the three legitimately pretty girls, Kat looks very much like a young Paulina Porizkova (who, incidentally, is taking over for the charming but useless Twiggy this season). I have high hopes for her, even with that chocolate chip on her face.

Kimberly: Kimberly is your stereotypical dumb blonde - this episode made her look functionally retarded, even - but I quite like her look. Her features are kind of squished and contorted, but I find her interesting to look at.

And that's it! As I mentioned briefly, I got a strong Cycle 5 vibe from this crew. I wasn't a great fan of that season when it first aired, but as I catch it on repeats I realize it was actually kind of awesome, between Kim's lesbian conquests, Lisa's drunken inanity, and Bre's snappy comments and stank attitude. Hopefully Cycle 10 will prove a worthy successor. Although at this point nearly anything could be better than Cycle 9. I need someone new to wash away the stink of Saleisha, after all...