As you may have noticed, I stopped blogging about "Idol"'s seventh season, oh, two weeks ago. The simple truth is I was bored by it and had very, very little to say. I actually skipped an audition episode or two, which is literally the first time in five years that I missed an episode of "Idol." And that's sad for, like, a billion different reasons.

So yeah, so far S7 has generally sucked. Going into Hollywood week there were maybe, MAYBE five people I could even remember, much less care about. But it's Hollywood week! My most favorite part of the season! And so I knew the excitement would be back. And it was; the show pulled me back in. But there are some serious changes that I just do not approve of. To wit:

-WHERE ARE THE GROUP NUMBERS?! The groups are BY FAR the most entertaining part of Idol up until the voting starts, and have produced some of the most stunning meltdowns and giddy successes of the previous seasons. This year? Gone. Totally erased. I cannot for the life of me figure out what the producers were thinking. It's true that group singing plays very little into the success of a particular Idol candidate - they have to perform together in the pimpomercials and in the achingly cheesy Up With People-type numbers on the show and the tour, but that's it. So maybe they found them pointless? Or maybe the producers got weary of sending home legitimately talented candidates after they bombed in groups (like last year's Bailey Brown, brought down by the gruesome twosome of Antonella Barba and her even more disgusting frienemy). Whatever the reasoning, it was a bad idea. That was good television!

-Contestants that do poorly in the initial solo round are all spared, and are given a second chance to "sing for their lives." Bullshit. Nothing compared to Simon cutting an entire row of bland girls just minutes after taking the Hollywood stage. The drama and the tear count were both sacrificed in the name of protecting the feelings of a couple overconfident chumps.

-The gerbils are now allowed to use instruments in their auditions, if they so choose. This produced some great moments - ringer Brooke White killed it with a Carly Simon-esque number on the piano - and some really dreadful ones, like that poor drumming kid who sounded like part of the world's worst wedding band on "Hooked on a Feeling." Yikes.

By the end of the episode 100-something of the would-be Idols had been culled, including a couple I liked (that gorgeous woman from the first episode with the sick child; the endearing fat gay man who could be an Eddie Murphy character but isn't). But I did end up legitimately rooting for some of the leftovers, and oddly, almost all of them are men. I NEVER like the guys on Idol, Chris Daughtry excepted. But there's a strong crop this year, including possible Jessica Alba in drag Danny Noriega, Shouty Political Geek Kyle, Vocal Paralysis Boy, the Australian guy I'm now referring to as Ace Old, and Weepy Homeless Josiah, who very nearly ruined the whole thing with his bullshit diva business because he cannot play with a band. (I get the feeling that he's one of those children who was always told he was the most special thing on earth, and trying to do something normal is his anathema; he has to warp it all up and make it "his," which is to say, "make it kind of shitty.") Also: I believe Hot Farmer is still in the running! I'm going to be depressed when I have to actually learn these peoples' names and stop treating them like pieces of meat. Sigh.

Tomorrow night: THE CHAIR!

At this point I think the show is just screwing with me. Semifinals have traditionally been an opportunity to really get to know the prospective Top 12; they get carte blanche when it comes to song choice and we get lots of puff packages introducing us to their "stories" (or, really, carefully constructed character pitches). Not so this year. For reasons that completely elude me, the producers have forced theme nights onto semifinals, so this is 60's week. And rather than legitimate introductions, we get yet more recapping of stuff we've seen. Dammit, show! I was really looking forward to this year's crop of guys. And while last night wasn't bad, it wasn't as interesting or entertaining as it could have been. And I blame that squarely on the unnecessary hoops these kids had to jump through.

Anyway, on with my critiques:

David Hernandez, "Wait Til the Midnight Hour." David opened the song the same way he arranged "Love The One You're With" during semifinals: he slowed it down and made it into a soul/gospel song. I'd really like to see this guy take on a good, upbeat song because he needs to show me something. As it stands, he's got a good voice, but he's dull dull dull. He also tends to get a little goaty, and he makes some crazy faces when he sings. He just didn't connect with the song at all, and he'll need to do a lot better if he wants to escape the black hole that is his personality.

Chikezie Ezie, "More Today Than Yesterday." Chikezie has apparently dropped his last name, as though he's the second coming of Mandisa. You wish, tool. The song was WAY too low for him; the beginning was wretched as he scraped the bottom of his register. He's fantastic on the high notes, but the whole thing is marred by a) the terrible, schmaltzy rendition; b) his hideous red-orange pimp suit; and c) his Kraft-tastic cheesy performance, full of manic body movements and, I believe, a wink. YUCK. When getting his critique Chikezie talked back to every single judge, especially Simon, never letting the man get a word in. I've got no time for someone this marginally talented giving sass mouth, so Chikezie is officially dead to me.

David Cook, "Happy Together." I wish he didn't look so look so damned sloppy all the time, because I think he's probably cute under all that hair and scruff. David made the curious decision to go with what is essentially a novelty song and "rawk" it up. It mostly worked, especially during the chorus, which he just kind of blew out. But he totally crapped out on the power notes. Ouch.

Jason Yeager, "Moon River" I want to pluck that goofy blond streak right out of his head. Yeager is apparently a singing waiter, and boy can you tell: he is SO CHEESY! I think he actually pointed at the crowd at one point. This was a terrible song choice for him. I adore "Moon River," but this arrangement is totally wah-wah and dull; actually, for a while I thought he was singing "A Whole New World" from "Aladdin" (he has a Disney type of voice). He seemed totally unsure of himself during the verses. Did he not know the words? He sounded really lovely on the power notes, though, and that could save him.

Robbie Carrico, "One" BRILLIANT song choice. Robbie is our bandana'd rocker who was formerly in a boy band. So think of him as Daughtry Lite. I'll go along with it, because he dominated this song. Perfect range for him, perfect performance, perfect everything. Best of the night, I think.

David Archuleta, "Shop Around" I refer to David as Vocal Paralysis Lad, due to his brief mute period. He is so adorable, with his milky singing and sleepy speaking voice. The song was a little low in parts, and his mouth moves a little strangely, like he's wearing a retainer. He got better as the song went along, and was charmismatic as all get out. Paula called him an old soul, and I think that's right. He's the male Diana DeGarmo! Total contender for the win.

Danny Noriega, "Blue Suede Shoes." Confession: I love Danny Noriega. He's just so damned happy and sure of himself. And I think he's secretly Jessica Alba in drag. I personally found his performance kind of fierce -- his voice is much lower than expected, and he's surprisingly butch given how flaming he is normally. Simon destroyed him, calling it "grotesque." I disagree. I love Danny Noriega.

Luke Menard, "Everyone's Talkin'." We'd never seen Luke prior to this performance. H's got a very light, airy voice, almost a falsetto. I could barely hear him through most of his song, and the instrumentation was, like, nonexistent. He has no presence. He's not a particularly good singer. It was just totally forgettable, which Simon told him, along with the fact that he's like Kenny Loggins. A totally wussy Kenny Loggins. And if you're a wussy version of Kenny Loggins? You've got trouble. Luke is a goner.

Colton Berry, "Suspicious Minds" What was it with the gays and Elvis last night? Colton's performance was bad karaoke, pure and simple. He had this weird bobby performance, with his huge mouth and huge teeth and huge nose all up in my screen. He's got a good voice, but he's a nonentity. This competition has room for only one sissy, Colton, and that should be Danny Noriega!

Garrett Haley, "Breaking Up is Hard to Do." I'm sorry, but this kid is hideous. Ugly rat's nest hair. Scary angular zombie face. Scraggly facial hair. Just...no. He lost the song halfway through, and was terribly pitchy. No presence whatsoever. He sounds like a cartoon character, and the comparisons to Leif Garrett are accurate in more way than one. And it was another example of a dull Muzak version of an otherwise good song. Bah!

Jason Castro, "What a Day for a Daydream." God, his dreds are disgusting. I just can't get past them. Jason was the sole performer to use an instrument--a new rule I'm not 100 percent on board with--and he strummed his guitar and just kind of slackerishly crooned the song. Sweet voice, but I just don't like him. The judges do. They're probably right and I'm just blinded by that hair, which looks like something my cat would cough up. He claims that he's performed in public only a handful of times, and that he always just sits back and watches stuff happen. That's funny, since he appeared on MTV's "Cheyenne" as the lead character's love interest AND appeared in her music video. So bullshit.

Michael "Ace Old" Johns, "Light My Fire." Kind of an obvious song for him, since he has a Doors thing going on. It was good, but he did a full Morrison rip-off. It was very karaoke. It's curious that Simon attacked several other people for nothing doing anything with the song, but Johns skated by with ample praise. I like the guy, and again, it was good. But it's just a pale imitation of the original

Best of the night: Hernandez, Robbie, David

Worst of the night: Chikezie, Luke, Garrett

In trouble: Yeager, Luke, Garrett

Cycle 10 is here! Can you believe we've had 10 whole seasons of "Top Model"? That means we've met nearly 150 deluded young women who seriously think their post-teen, regular-sized bodies are going to find work on the runways of Paris. Oh, the memories.

Unfortunately the CW continued its frustrating practice of airing the semifinal episode separately - in the good old days we'd get a two-hour extravaganza in which the girls were selected, and then the first challenge would follow immediately. It's so hard to get a read on any of these girls from semifinals. But I can say this with absolute certainty: We have got some broke-ass bitches this time around!

I watched last night with four other people, and every time another would-be contestant came on the screen we would turn to one another and say, "Her? Really? A model? Um, no." It's true; very few - maybe three - of these girls are conventionally pretty. But Tyra has always preferred her girls to be what she calls "model pretty"; that is, interesting, awkward, and so devoid of self-esteem that they're willing to be brutally broken down and rebuilt in her own beweaved image.

The only drama worth mentioning from the semifinals (this time presented as a prep school, which makes more sense than a goddamned Caribbean cruise Cycle 9) is what I'll call the Passion of Fatima. Fatima is a stunning African girl who looks an awful lot like 90's supermodel Iman. I like her, and not just because of her tragic backstory (while growing up in Somalia she was ritually circumcised, or as we call it here in America, genitally mutilated). But you can see she's going to have a tough time. She has very little respect for most of these dumb girls, and antagonized at least two of them this episode to the point where they almost broke into fisticuffs. (BRING IT!) And then in her photo shoot she over analyzed and tried to perfect a shot that really should have taken 10 seconds. Poor, cursed Fatima.

Very few of the rest of the girls stuck out to me, with the exception of my darling Marvita, brought back after being cut in semifinals last time around. Here are my thoughts, such as they are; you can judge them for yourself by clicking the links and taking a look at their ridiculously Photoshopped cast shots from the CW.

Atalya: No impression whatsoever, but she is blandly pretty.

Amis: Pronounced "Amy," this girl is beyond tan (her cast photo downplays her Oompa Loompa-ish qualities), and oh, that jaw. There's something about her that reminds me of Cycle 5's Lisa, and we should be so lucky to recapture that lightning in a bottle.

Aimee: No impression whatsoever; we do not need two Amy-adjacent contestants.

Anya: Is from Hawaii, and has a bizarre accent (should be fun if she makes it to the commercial challenges!), and a face that looks like it has been squeezed in a vice.

Whitney: Our token plus-sized model (is there something about the name Whitney that makes girls chunky? See Cycle 8's zaftig Whitney), she could lose some weight easily by dropping the chip she has on her shoulder about how the fashion industry treats fat people.

Marvita: She is back, and as sassy as ever! Marvita claims to have gone through therapy. I hope that's not the case. She threatened to kill at least one of the girls last night, so that's a promising start. I think's gorgeous, a modern-day Grace Jones.

Allison: Note that Allison's headshot is mostly obscured by a hat. That is because she is hideous. Her eyes are way too close together, and she bears a striking resemblance to Celine Dion. Not a good thing!

Stacy Ann: Stacy Ann's pic actually doesn't do her justice; she's prettier than the photo. But she needs to shut up, because her whiny-ass voice...ugh.

Claire: B-U-S-T-E-D. Claire may be like Cycle 4 Michelle, where her hideous features in person magically translate into amazing photos. But her promo photo suggests she's just as fugly in two dimensions as she is in real life.

Lauren: Our "punk" girl -- but how could someone who's legitimately punk end up on this show? Anyway, Lauren's photo is actually pretty striking. In person? Yikes.

Fatima: See above; love her.

Dominique: Tyra spared Dom's life, adding her as the 14th contestant at the last moment (we typically only have 13). The girls repeatedly called her tranny in last night's episode, and I see that. But mostly I see her Cheez Doodle skin tone and hope we have a special anti-bronzer episode, because some of these girls need to wizen up.

Katarzyna: One of the three legitimately pretty girls, Kat looks very much like a young Paulina Porizkova (who, incidentally, is taking over for the charming but useless Twiggy this season). I have high hopes for her, even with that chocolate chip on her face.

Kimberly: Kimberly is your stereotypical dumb blonde - this episode made her look functionally retarded, even - but I quite like her look. Her features are kind of squished and contorted, but I find her interesting to look at.

And that's it! As I mentioned briefly, I got a strong Cycle 5 vibe from this crew. I wasn't a great fan of that season when it first aired, but as I catch it on repeats I realize it was actually kind of awesome, between Kim's lesbian conquests, Lisa's drunken inanity, and Bre's snappy comments and stank attitude. Hopefully Cycle 10 will prove a worthy successor. Although at this point nearly anything could be better than Cycle 9. I need someone new to wash away the stink of Saleisha, after all...

Man, that was rough. I knew going into semifinals that the guys were stronger than the girls this year - something that almost never happens, so I have to wonder if it isn't deliberate on the part of the producers. But I wasn't expecting the shiteous evening of "singing" we were subjected to last night. I enjoyed two, maybe three of the performances altogether. Out of 12. Contestant after contestant trotted out the "I'm sick" excuse, but that holds no water with me. This is your chance to impress America, girls, and most of you blew it.

Kristy Lee Cook, "Rescue Me" Rescue you from what, Kristy Lee? Mediocrity? That isn't going to happen. Generically pretty girl singing generically pretty in a karaoke style. Nothing more. She didn't connect with the song at all. There was no urgency. She might as well have been reading off a Chinese take-out menu. Better stick to "Amazing Grace," you hack.

Joanne Borgella, "I Say a Little Prayer" Joanne is a gorgeous girl, but not a singer. Pitch problems throughout, the song was too low for her, and again, no connection with the song at all. She got better with the power notes toward the end, much like Chikezie the night before. In fact, I'm not 100 percent convinced that they aren't the same person, just taking on and off a voluminous wig.

Alaina Whitaker, "More Today Than Yesterday" OK, I'm going to be shallow for a second. Alaina - who I don't think we'd ever seen before last night - is gorgeous when the microphone is up to her face; she bears a striking resemblance to Carrie Underwood, in fact. But when she lowers that mic, POW! Orthodontia nightmare. My viewing party called her "Carrie Underbite" and "Carrie Uglywood." HOWEVER! She rocked the hell out of the song after a slow start. Easily one of the best of the night. We love you, Alaina! Please consult a dentist immediately!

Amanda Overmeyer, "[Insert name of song here]" I honestly wish I could tell you what Amanda sang last night. I wish I knew. I'm not sure it was a song. I can tell you things it included: bad scatting, some growling, a few screams, Amanda yelling "baby please don't go" over and over and over and over again, and Amanda looking hot as shit. I really want to like Amanda and her whiskey-soaked vocals. But if she keeps pulling BS like that - whatever THAT was - we are going to have to break up. Know your audience, Amanda. Pick songs your audience can at least recognize. Do not repeat Nadia Turner's mistakes.

Amy Davis, "Where the Boys Are" Somebody has to go first each year. And this year, it will be Amy. I don't know Amy. I don't think I saw her before last night. But I knew everything I needed to know when she slid into the first hellacious note of this song. Terrible. Amy should have known she was screwed when Paula started in with the "you're so pretty" stuff. Thanks for playing, sweetie.

Brooke White, "Happy Together" Brooke sounded great on the verses of this song, putting her quavering, soulful voice to good use. Then she hit the chorus and I don't think she knew what the hell she was doing. She tried, though. I like Brooke. I hope she's safe. I'd like to see what she can do when not forced into some bullshit genre she has no business singing. Damned show!

Alexandrea Laughton, "Spinning Wheel" Best of the night, even though Simon vehemently disagreed with me. I thought it was fun, brassy, and well sung. Totally into this girl. Just have to remember who she is.

Kady Molloy, "Groovy Kind of Love" Apparently Kady does dead-on vocal impressions or something. I don't really care. But it is odd that such a deep, husky voice comes out of such a tiny, blonde little thing. I actually didn't mind this performance - it was boring, but it's a fairly boring song (my high school chorus used to use for vocal warm-ups, OK?). But she definitely could use some loosening up, which the judges tell her.

As'iah Epperson, "Piece of My Heart" OK. Here's the thing: much as I can't look past Danny Castro's hair to his actual performance, I can't get past my fundamental distrust of As'iah Epperson to even consider liking anything she does. As'iah, you might remember, is the girl whose dad died in a car wreck while she was on her way to audition for "Idol." And who sat there, totally unphazed, during the process. Smiling, giggling, laughing, performing, no signs of grief at all. I'm not going to tell anyone the proper way to mourn, but I AM going to say that I find it hard to believe that a young woman would show absolutely no signs of emotional distress mere days after her father's untimely death. I don't know if she's lying - I imagine that would have come out by now - but something is not right with As'iah. And so I just can't deal with her at all. She freaks me out. She sings OK, I guess. Simon loves her. I'm steeling myself for weeks of her skin-crawling presence.

Ramiele Malubay, "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" I really liked Ramiele in her previous performances, a little woman blessed with a big ol' voice. She let me down here. It was a terrible arrangement of a fantastic song, and even when she got to the power notes, there wasn't much power. A total washout for me. But she should be fine.

Syesha Mercado, "Tobacco Road" Syesha annoyed me in Hollywood when she played the sick card. She annoyed me last night by singing this terrible song that someone sang a couple years ago, and which I hated then, and hate even more now. One of the judges called her the most powerful singer in the bunch, and I beg to differ. She screams, alright, but that's not necessarily power. This girl seems beyond ordinary to me.

Carly Smithson, "The Shadow of Your Smile" The Controversy Queen (for the record: I do not care that she had a record on a major label several years ago) put her amazing pipes to poor use with this dreadfully boring song. She did some interesting vocal stuff, but really, it's a shitty song. But she should be fine so long as this backlash doesn't capsize her.

Best of the night: Alaina, Alexandrea

Worst of the night: Amy, Kristy Lee, Joanne

In trouble: Amy, maybe Joanne

After a couple rough numbers in the beginning, things got pretty good. We're almost certainly going to have six very strong male singers in the Top 12, and I don't think that has ever happened on this show. There's almost always a joke contestant or two that get through. It was 70s night, which makes me wonder if we'll conclude this hellish triptych with 80s night next week. By burning off these three themes, what will they do for the rest of the season? Polka night? Novelty song night? An evening with Pat Boone? The mind reels.

Also, the judges were way, way off last night. Even Simon for most of the night. I don't know what happened, but praising Luke and thrashing the Jasons? Was it Bizarro Idol and I missed the memo?

Michael Johns "Go Your Own Way" He said it was a dream for him to sing a Fleetwood Mac song. I wonder if that dream included him butchering it. He was SO KARAOKE! God. And way off pitch, too. Shrieky. Just terrible. I'm pretty sure he dropped some lyrics in the middle. Why pick a song that's out of your range in the chorus? Interestingly, while he sounded like Jim Morrison last week, this week it was straight-up Eddie Vedder. His on-stage performance was like something out of a Blind Melon video. Of course, the judges love him. I wait with baited breath for the day that they finally, inevitably turn on him.

Jason Castro "I Just Want to be Your Everything" So, OK -- I actually liked this performance. Jason made the song sound more intimate than it ever was; it was downright sweet. However, his voice is still too trembly and weak for me. And his whole pre-song interview about how he just wants to make music, man, and totally doesn't like all these interviews and photos and non-music stuff... Again: was on an MTV reality series. Pull the other leg. It plays "Yellow Rose of Texas."

Luke Menard "Killer Queen" GOD, HE'S SO TERRIBLE! The song didn't suit his voice at all; he sounded like Dame Edna. He had no stage presence. And he got all mumbly again. I literally couldn't understand a single word in the middle of the verse. And then he danced! Horrors. All of it. The judges loved him, except Simon. But even he didn't lash into him. How did nobody destroy him? I...don't understand. Seacrest made some comment about him looking like Dawson, and Luke does kind of look like a mix between Mr. Leary and his gay friend, Jack. If Luke plays his cards right Ryan Seacrest's 1995 masturbatory fantasies may finally come true....

Robbie Carico "Hot Blooded" Yikes. So I take it back: put the bandana back on, Robbie. Was that a wig he was wearing? Perhaps something from the Bret Michaels/Goldie Hawn collection? I think that was a wig. Robbie, darling, the more you argue about how authentically "rawk" you are, the less I believe you. Not that it matters. This was the most bland, half-assed performance I've seen on stage this season, and I watched every one of those awful girls last week. It was really terrible karaoke, with beyond-cheesy stage moves. The wallet chain! The leather cuff! He's like a walking Hot Topic catalogue. He phoned that sucker in.

Danny Noriega "Superstar" First the critique: He was flat in parts. He did the prissiest on-stage moves imaginable. But! He really does have a nice voice. Like most gay men, Danny believes he is a strong black woman, and I don't begrudge him for it. It wasn't really memorable, but to me at least, it was the only performance at that point of the evening I could see as part of the Top 12. When Simon told him he looks good on camera, Danny squealed "Thank you!" I love Danny Noriega.

David Hernandez "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" This...was such a weird song choice for him. I mean, he rocked it. When he got to the chorus it sounded amazing. But the verse just didn't show off his vocals, and it's not a terribly melodic song. But the judges all loved it. I really like him, and I wish he'd get his shit together in the song choice department.

Jason Yeager "Long Train Runnin'" I realized last night that Jason looks a little like Jim Halpert from "The Office" (OK, more like his chunky, shorter brother), and is super cute when he smiles. This is where the judges and I had the biggest difference of opinion. They savaged him for this song, saying that it wasn't a "singer" song and it didn't show off his range. I'm listening to it right now on my iPod - this song has range. Plenty of it. He was a funky little white boy, bopping around and having a good time. Total 180 from last week's somber affair. I'll give the judges that he remains very cruise ship still, and ending was, to quote Simon, "ghastly." But I really liked it! I think he's got a good voice, plus I have a soft spot for the Doobies. Randy called it pitchy. More pitchy than Michael? Get real. The judges clearly hate him.

Chikezie He sang song by Donny Hathaway. Donny Hathaway is one of those singers that every musician namedrops, but honestly, I doubt the average American can name a single one of his songs. I know I can't. That's not to impugn his legacy, but to me every time someone breaks out Hathaway on this show it seems like a desperate bid for cool points. Anyway, Chikezie sang the song really well. And he didn't wear that shiteous pimp suit. But his performance was as cheesy as it always is, with him pointing into the crowd, throwing his name in there, and all sorts of really cringe-worthy moments. How was that performance any better/different than Jason's? Answer: it was not. He takes absolutely no responsibility for how bad he was last week, and still blames it all on Simon, and then takes another potshot at Simon's wardrobe. Still dead to me.

David Cook "Alright Now" Looked a million times better from last week. I think some of the hair has been removed. He broke out the ax, and it kind of drowned him out for a bit. But ultimately he was good. Growly and screamy, but I guess that's how you modernize that song. It was still kind of boring, tho. I don' think he's quite connected yet. I'm eager to see what happens when he does.

David Archuleta "Imagine" Oh, I'm so sick of this song. I'd be happy if nobody ever covered it in the history of music again, and I bet the ghost of John Lennon would be to. However! David did a very good job with it, with a very interesting arrangement. His voice is soulful and rich, and way, way beyond his years. And I didn't even hate all the embellishments he gave it. It's a much different side of him than we saw last week. Smart move! The kid has got it. In. The bag. Whe he finished Archuletamania busted out in the studio! Before season's end he will be ripped to shreds by the acrylic-nailed, over-tanned teeny girls in the audience. I hope he has a 24/7 security detail.

BEST OF THE NIGHT: The Davids (Archuleta, Hernandez, Cook), and I'm sticking to my guns: Jason

WORST OF TE NIGHT: Luke, Robbie

IN TROUBLE: Luke, Jason