Last night's "Heroes" was the big five-year-jump episode, where our time-traveling friend Hiro accidentally brought Ando to the future so we can all see what terrible fates await all our favorite characters. It was kind of tough to watch since just yesterday I watched "Children of Men," and I've had my fill of incredibly depressing the-future-is-a-shitbox tales for the time being, thank you very much.A LOT happened in this episode, and I kind of need a flow chart to figure it all out. The broad strokes that you need to know: The Heroes failed to stop the bomb from going

It was Bon Jovi night. Yuck. Ryan hyped the band as unquestionably "one of the greatest rock bands ever." Um, no? I was alive and sentient for all of Bon Jovi's heyday, and while they were certainly ridiculously popular, I can't recall the band getting anything but the most tepid of props from the actual rock community. Bon Jovi creates easily digestible catchy pop-rock nuggets. They had a string of hits. Why falsely make them out to be artistes when you can legitimately trumpet the fact that they used cute looks and hummable hooks to sucker the American public into

We have officially reached the part of the season where I get physically exhausted just by watching this show. It never ends. I want my life back! But we must soldier on.Thankfully two of these suckers went home last night, and it was indeed the right two. Thank you, America. I got a little bit of hope back......but I also lost even more when, to fill the entire, totally unnecessary hour-long episode, we had offensive filler. More man-on-the-street interviews, more blowing smoke up Blake's ass from Tuesday's performance (it wasn't original or a risk, America; he's done the same thing for weeks.

Know this: I’m a huge comic geek. I’ve been reading the so-called funny books (although they’re rarely funny) for more than 20 years. So when it comes to super-hero movies my expectations tend to be pretty high. “Spider-Man 2” not only met those hopes; it exceeded them. It was a great movie, comic-based or not. So the Spidey team had a lot to live up to with this third, possibly final flick. And…they didn’t quite do it. Not quite.“Spider-Man 3” is a decent flick. There’s about an hour of it that’s actually quite good. But as I feared watching the

Really? That's how it ends? Yuck.The race's all-star edition ended with a groan, not even a whimper, when the least-interesting team in "TAR" history took home the million-dollar prize. Eric and Danielle --- the only "new" team to race this year --- crossed the finish line at San Francisco's Botanical Gardens first, narrowly beating out the beauty queens, Dustin and Kandice.Even the producers/editors seemed bored by the finale, which was perhaps the least tense, least competitive I've seen in the show's history. All the teams were on the same flights into SF, there was no taxicab drama on the way

Mothers and sons was the unofficial theme of last night's "Heroes." And after the slightly underwhelming future episode the show returned to form. Lots happened; this time we'll go from least interesting to most interesting subplots.-Nikki and DL teamed up to rescue the Linderman-napped Micah. I stand firm in my abiding love of Jessica/Nikki even though pretty much everyone I know hates the character. But man, I am done with DL. What an awful, awful actor. He's not even soap opera-level. I don't expect either of them to make it to Season 2, but for very different reasons. Anyway, the

It's Barry Gibb night. I was really hoping for more disco, but we got a lot of his later ballads instead. Not that there's anything wrong with that - the man wrote some amazing songs, period. And since we need to stretch this mother as far as possible, the Final 4 each sang twice. (Also, props to Barry Gibbs for avoiding plastic surgery. Yes, he looks like something out of Planet of the Apes, but he's like 70. He kind of should.) I completely missed Melinda's first song. Sorry! Dinner ran late. But based on judges' reactions it wasn't a

The right choice was made, but not the one I wanted.After more filler than can possibly be enumerated the results came down to Blake and Lakisha in the Final 2, and Lakisha went home. She's definitely done the worst overall job of the Final 4, so it's hard to argue with that result. It's funny though; as we watched her clip reel my friend turned to me during her fiery performance of "You're Gonna Love Me" and said, "Where was that girl in this competition?" Very true. Lakisha commanded semi-finals not only with her big voice, but with her I'm-in-it-to-win-it

One more episode before the season finale! Very exciting. Although last night's episode started off fairly anticlimactically it picked up considerable speed, putting all the pieces into place for the literally explosive end to Season 1. Things to note:-It had totally escaped me that the "Walker system" that Bennett was trying to shut down along with Parkman and Radioactive Ted was in fact the girl, Molly Walker. So when he showed up to blow her brains out...yikes. I just don't think Bennett can pull that off. Not that it matters; the episode ended with a Mexican standoff involving Bennett, Molly,

It's the penultimate week of the competition and last night all three final contestants did a pretty great job. But I found myself kind of bored by the whole thing. There's no excitement, no tension. No person I'm just desperately hoping will lose (like last year's eventual winner, Taylor Douchebag Hicks). It was just kind of...eh. Each Idol sang three songs, one chosen by a judge, one chosen by the producers (apparently Clive Davis was busy this year, or hated working with Taylor so much that he swore never to come back?), and the last picked by the Idols themselves.Jordin

Whew! Tyra had me worried there for a minute!The eighth "cycle" of "America's Next Top Model" ended with the right girl winning --- saucy Latina Jaslene --- but it started off what I'm calling The Night Women Got Robbed on Reality TV. Gorgeous Renee was cut in the beginning of the episode after having 1) a gorgeous Cover Girl shot and 2) a likable Cover Girl commercial because the panel decided that she looked "too old." I don't deny that Renee has a harsher look about her (I blame it on the fact that she has smoker skin, and also

Goddamnit, America! Can't you do anything right?!We were poised to have one of the best Final 2 showdowns in "AI" history with Melinda v. Jordin. And then you cock it up by sending home Melinda last night. Good gravy.Ultimately it's not that surprising. As my friends pointed out, it had become clear by mid-season that Melinda wasn't actually going to win this thing. She's amazing and will probably have a great career ahead of her (although I still can't imagine what a Melinda Doolittle album will sound like --- blues? Jazz?). But she totally deserved the other slot in Final 2.

Oh, thank GOD it's almost over!Last night we traveled to the enormous, sound-plagued Kodak Theatre for the final showdown between Blake and Jordin. As if that's even a competition. But anyway, Randy Jackson showed up after raiding Fall Out Boy's closet; Paula Abdul showed up with a smashed nose and, well, smashed (we'd been waiting for you all season, Drunk Paula! Welcome back!); and Simon delighted in pointing out Paula's jacked-up nose. I'm surprise he didn't hiss at her under-conditioned hair.Blake started the night with his odious version of "You Give Love a Bad Name." And the crowd, and judges,

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!OK, now that I've gotten that out of my system...Charles Dickens would be proud of last night's "Idol" finale; it was truly the best of times, and the worst of times. We got a worthy winner after the disaster that was last year's coronation. We got some great performances by almost all the former Idols (where the hell was Fantasia?). I'm pretty sure I saw Melissa Rivers in the audience. So that's all good. But we also got Gwen Stefani LIP-SYNCHING via remote from her "live" concert somewhere. Aerosmith's Joe Perry losing whatever was left of his credibility by backing up an even-worse-than-ever

I didn't think it was possible for a show to jump the shark by Week 2, but "On the Lot" might have done just that. Fox and series exec producer Steven Spielberg need to get a meeting STAT, because this show has all the signs of a colossal failure. And given how much money Americans spend on movies every weekend, and how box office figures are standard Monday morning watercooler talk, there's just no reason a reality show about the movie biz should be tanking.This third episode was a complete disaster. It started with a massive narrative jump that is

And we're done.I intended to give this show until next week to improve itself, but after the boring, offensive death march that was Monday and the even more boring, more offensive results show that was last night, I just can't have it. I just can't. This show is so bad it has almost made me hate movies in general. Almost.So last night's hour-long results show eliminated three would-be directors. That's all it accomplished. In 60 minutes. With this lack of efficiency as a role model it's no wonder the contestants produced the drek they did in a week. The night began inauspiciously as the new